DAVID SEDARIS ON UNDECIDED VOTERS

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist.
Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who
want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The
flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and,
eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the
chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with
bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and
then ask how the chicken is cooked.