September 12, 2008



My name is Sarah Palin, and I wanna be your president!

I am ready to control the nuclear codes.

I am a hockey mommy in lipstick.

I'll make cookies for Putin.

I said, 'thanks, but no thanks,' to The Bridge to No Where.

Except, I really said, 'yes, please.' And then I kept the 400 million dollars Alaska received for construction.

I am Pro-Life, which is why I am Pro-Gun. Go NRA!

All life is sacred, which is why I am Pro-Death Penalty!

I don't believe in sex education. True love waits. Just ask my daughter, Bristol!

If you are pregnant, you will have the damn baby! I don't care if you are raped, if the condom broke, if you are a molested

child, if you don't like mongoloids. I don't care if your pregnancy will kill you. This is all God's will. But, after your baby is born,

screw you both!

I just slashed educational funding for special needs children by six million dollars.

I will abolish the department of education. I hate books! Books are dangerous. My guides to life are US Weekly and The Bible.

Science is a matter of opinion. Creationism is fact. People don't cause climate change, God does! God hates polar bears.

Dinosaurs are an elitist liberal myth. God hates gays.

But God loves gas! I say, 'Drill, baby, drill!'

I charged the taxpayers of Alaska a travel per diem when I secretly slept in my own sweet bed.

Let me tell you, it costs a lot to keep to keep five kids in Miley Cyrus sheets.

I am ready to lead. If McCain falters, I will be the most powerful hockey mommy in the world.

I make killer brownies.

Don't attack me. I'll scream sexism!

So, cross yer legs, cock yer rifles, burn yer books, and send yer gays to a Rick Warren reform camp. Go USA!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watch tv and read about her and i just dont get it... im glad you post this stuff, but my blood pressure goes through the roof when i hear her name. How can anyone buy into such gimicky dirty politics? Its so obvious that maybe its too obvious for some people to read her. She has one important qualification that she does perfectly... shes a woman republican. When i see her riding the wave established by all the by the book hard work of democrats like hillary i just wanna drown her in the icy waters of alaska. It makes me sick to my stomach that she could be our president... thanks but no thanks to the vice president from nowhere.

4:16 PM  

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