GAY TERMS DEFINED!

Gurl, you gotta keep up with the lingo!

After-hours -- where you go when the bars are closed and you still haven't found someone to sleep with.

Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them.

Bicurious -- gay

Bisexual -- gay

Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below).

Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population

Butch -- what gay men who don't think they act gay call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term.

Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid.

Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.

Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once.
2) a club drug popular in the late 90's.

Excedrin -- what every gay man should have in his medicine cabinet.

Expiration Dating - Frequent hot sex with someone you know is only in town for a short period of time, and that you know you have no chance of actually dating seriously because they aren't local.

Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.

Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't had sex in 3 days!"

Gym Bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day.

Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end.

Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex

Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss caused by nonprescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank.

One Night Stand or ONS -- a very short-term relationship, the end of which is signified by someone putting on their pants.

Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling.

Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened.

Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster

Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of others

Top -- see Bottom

Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered.

Troll - anyone older than you that wants you to go home with them.

Trick -- See Trade

Twelve -- how old you are if you're not 21

Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man.

Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely necessary)

Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you