GAY TERMS DEFINED!
Gurl, you gotta keep up with the lingo!
After-hours -- where you go when the bars are closed and you still haven't found someone to sleep with.
Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them.
Bicurious -- gay
Bisexual -- gay
Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below).
Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population
Butch -- what gay men who don't think they act gay call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term.
Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid.
Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.
Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once.
2) a club drug popular in the late 90's.
Excedrin -- what every gay man should have in his medicine cabinet.
Expiration Dating - Frequent hot sex with someone you know is only in town for a short period of time, and that you know you have no chance of actually dating seriously because they aren't local.
Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.
Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't had sex in 3 days!"
Gym Bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day.
Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end.
Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex
Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss caused by nonprescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank.
One Night Stand or ONS -- a very short-term relationship, the end of which is signified by someone putting on their pants.
Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling.
Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened.
Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster
Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of others
Top -- see Bottom
Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered.
Troll - anyone older than you that wants you to go home with them.
Trick -- See Trade
Twelve -- how old you are if you're not 21
Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man.
Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely necessary)
Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you