ASK BUNNY

ASK BUNNY

My monthly fashion/beauty advice column continues in Dutch magazine Star Style. (And yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous the notion of me giving anyone advice on either is--but hey, they approached me!) In case you don't visit the Netherlands often, subscribe to Star Style, or read dutch, here's my latest column.


Dear Bunny, I am desperate for a man! What scent lures a guy to my bed? A fresh scent like Calvin Klein's Eternity, a heavy odeur like Poison by Dior or the watery scent of L'eau by Issey Miyaki? Or shall I opt for the empress Josephine way? Her husband Napoleon forbade her to wash herself when he was away conquering countries. Her unwashed state apparantly really turned him on when he came back. Charlotte, 24 Utrecht


Charlotte, I believe that Napoleon was trying to scare off potential lovers who might court Josephine while he was away. Wasn't he often on expeditions for years at a time? Pew! Of course, the french do enjoy eating those ripe, smelly cheeses....

But you're not in France, and I think it's important to cater your perfume to the type of nose you're trying to attract. Do you heat up over hippies? Throw some flowers in your hair and wear hashish oil--and red, bloodshot eyes will follow you wherever you go. Like your hunks a little rough around the edges? Generously spritz on beer (imported, please) as cologne and carry a see-through bag full of bread crumbs and cigarette butts--homeless men's faces will light up with glee! Or are you looking for a traditional, old-fashioned husband? Smear yourself with cinnamon-scented apple pie and wear an apron. Maybe you fancy a lesbian? Then just pop a herring in each of your bra cups and the girls will cum licking--I mean running. Turned on by garbage collectors? Take a tip from Josephine and don't wash--you'll make those burly studs feel right at home. (I'll even give you an excellent pick-up line which never fails when cruising a garbage truck: "Hey, if you like to pick up trash, HOW ABOUT ME?")

Personally, I wear an exquisite fragrance which was actually created centuries ago for Empress Josephine: Bouquet Imperiale by Roget et Gallet. It's very inexpensive and deliciously intriguing. Sometimes I even use it as mouthwash!

All that to say, a girl's scent is a very personal matter. There may be some guys who know enough about women's perfumes that you could impress them by choosing a brand new, expensive fragrance. But Charlotte, these men are gay and they will never screw you! They may even ask you to borrow a spritz! If you know that a guy you've got a crush on favors a certain perfume then by all means try it, but I think you'd be better off satisfying your own nose. When you march into a club knowing that you look and smell great, your confidence grabs the guys' attention. And if your look or attitude stinks, wearing half a bottle of the priciest scent on earth won't help a bit!