I'M SLICED FROM PAM'S ROAST!

WITH JEFFREY ROSS, wearing a fur to annoy Pam
FLOOR WHORE
WITH ANDY DICK
WITH ANNA NICOLE

Looks like I got the chop from the Pamela Anderson Roast, according to the New York Times article below. Eddie Griffin was also chopped--and he was hilarious, with no script to work from. I submitted some jokes which were considered too dirty and then given a script by some Comedy Central writers. I didn't think my lines were all that funny, but I didn't wanna make waves and question it. I got a few laughs from the studio audience, but I knew that I'd hardly slayed them. Pam and PETA's Dan Matthews were really the ones plugging for me to be on board, and I think Comedy Central reluctantly agreed to appease her. The frustrating thing was that after all my smutty, funny material lines were cut, the other roasters went really filthy with their shtick. But they were all very funny, so I suggest that you all watch it anyway! But don't look for Bunion! (Maybe on the home dvd???) I was just happy to be part of such a glittering evening and hob-knob with the celebs above. OK, I'm bitter and suicidal. I knew you wouldn't believe my brave, charitable face. Please bombard Comedy Central with anthrax-laden hate-mail immediately--KIDDING!!!! It'll be a fun show and I'll be watching--through my tears, on my birthday, for chrissakes!!!!

FROM TODAY'S NEW YORK TIMES:

Sweet, easy Pamela Anderson - centerfold, actress, philanthropist - enters a snake pit of twisted and talented comedians Sunday night on "Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson." Let's cut to the chase: She's wearing a translucent black top, and she's braless.

Forum: Television
But that top - which can be seen straight through when the lights shine on it - may actually be among the least scandalous elements of the sick yet riveting roast, which was filmed Aug. 7 at Sony Studios in Los Angeles.

Among the most scandalous moments : jokes about genitals; the self-consciously scummy, diseased personas of almost everyone on the dais; and Courtney Love, the bloated musician, who throughout the proceedings acted as if she belonged in an institution. Again.

With Ms. Love thrashing around, it can be hard to remember that it is Ms. Anderson's night. Smoking cigarettes, Ms. Love heckled the comedians and flipped people off, regularly flashing her underwear and pulling up her top. When not lurching toward center stage in raw bids for attention, she slumped so far down in a white sofa that some of the male comedians - particularly the M.C., Jimmy Kimmel - appeared to prop her up. Toward the end of the roast, she reclined entirely.

"How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?" the comic Jeffrey Ross asked. Is that line even legal?

But when people joked about Ms. Love's history of substance abuse, she would respond slurrily, "I've been sober for a year!"

"If you're not on drugs," Mr. Kimmel shot back at one point, "you've got problems."

As an event to raise money for PETA, the charity organization supported by Ms. Anderson, the evening proceeded without the wood-paneled gentlemen's-club ambience of the old Friars Club roasts. (Comedy Central no longer broadcasts these.) Instead, the graphics in the title sequence, which set the tone for the night, appeared to be inspired by tattoos, videogames and mud-flap detailing.

The roast was informal and coed, with Mr. Kimmel's first lady, Sarah Silverman, and the fat insult comic Lisa Lampanelli getting top billing. Bea Arthur, the ranking roaster, appeared if not shocked then certainly chastened by how low the jokes were going.

Ms. Anderson, on the other hand, appeared amply prepared for the jokes about her promiscuity, her surgical enhancements, her rumored moronism. ("Don't be fooled by the dumb blonde routine," Mr. Kimmel said. "This woman is as smart as a rock.")

Some jokes, though dirty, even seemed to please the pert pinup. Nick DiPaolo, noting that Ms. Anderson's body was so perfect that it seemed to defy the laws of digestion, speculated: "I think frozen strawberry yogurt comes out of it. It's in a swirl. It's got sprinkles on it."

Ms. Anderson beamed with pride.

She was also gracious, though more subdued, when Mr. DiPaolo slammed her work on television.

"As an actor," he said, "you have the emotional range of Terri Schiavo."

He added, "If I was a baby seal and I had a choice between being clubbed to death or watching an episode of 'Stacked,' I'd be like, 'Somebody call J. Lo and let her know her mittens are ready.' "

Some of the scheduled roasters, including Lady Bunny and Eddie Griffin, had their quips cut from the television version. The remarks of others, including the comedian David Spade and the Playboy king Hugh Hefner, appeared on video.

Mr. Hefner - who had Ms. Anderson on the cover of Playboy a record 11 times - turned sober in his speech. "In all seriousness, Pam, may your spirit and drive continue to inspire women everywhere to whip out their melons. Or, I mean, to throw off the chains of our sexually oppressive society."

The Bunnies who flanked Mr. Hefner cried out in protest. Mr. Hefner assured the girls that they would still get to use chains with him.

Surprisingly, given Ms. Love's oscillation between catatonia and exhibitionism throughout the night, Comedy Central chose to broadcast her own effort at roasting her friend Pam. "Don't worry," Mr. Kimmel said, introducing Ms. Love. "She slipped herself a roofie before the show."

But the former Hole singer plowed through a decent set of jokes, though she stumbled scarily as she started, saying that because she's sober now, "all these drug yokes - jokes - are tired." She savored her error for a beat and went into brief reverie: "Yokes. Jokes."

Referring to the reputation she and Ms. Anderson share for being good in bed, she also recognized a difference: A guy wants to have sex with Pam "and tell all your friends about it." With Ms. Love, a guy wants to have sex, "and tell none of your friends and see a doctor."

Ms. Love herself seemed to require the attention of a doctor. But she still insisted from the sidelines, "I've been sober for a year!"

"You got it, doll," said Sarah Silverman, unpersuaded, at one point. As Ms. Silverman told the crowd, "I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore."

By the end of the raucous, nauseating and often funny night, it still wasn't clear.

Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson

Comedy Central, Sunday night at 10, Eastern and Pacific times; 9, Central time.