February 24, 2007


Am I the only nut who loves watching financial whiz Suze once in a blue moon? I certainly don't follow any of her advice, but she's just such a lovable kook! A friend shares her guru and had mentioned that se was lesbian, but I guess now it's more open. Suze fans will enjoy this article via HUFFPO.

'NYT' SUNDAY PREVIEW: Suze Orman Reveals She is the '55-year-old Virgin'


With incredible outfits, hairdo's, jewelry and choreography in this swingin' ad for Canada Dry. The lyrics are insane! "I'm the soft drink expert." "Can-can-candada dry!" Polly Grip, a queen who knows her groovy costumes, sent me this one.

February 21, 2007



Or her opening number at the Caribe Hilton: YOUTUBE


Check out this rotten clip of the FACIAL WORKOUT! Best viewed on acid. The star and creator of the weight loss system was sued by the FTC in 2003 for false advertising. After you see the hilarious witch faces she makes in this segment of her video, you'll wonder why Madame and Witchipoo didn't sue for trademark infringement!


To whoever commented that I was obsessed with booty and doody humor, you're right! Now take this! (Courtesy of Cashetta)

February 20, 2007


LINDA SIMPSON'S WEDNESDAY NIGHT AFFAIR SLURP HAS SOME CUTE UPCOMING NIGHTS. I can only imagine what Milan, who is an amzing dancer/performer, has up his sleeve. Well, besides B.O.



Their new product is a real gas! I reommend the Poopourri scent!


Singing a power ballad! Nuts!

From youtube:

The American Broadcasting Company used to have a show back in the 80s called "Kids Are People Too" that had some surprising guests. Patti appeared on it with Joe Brooks and sang his song "You Light Up My Life".

February 18, 2007


I checked it out on Snopes first.


This is important and worth the time to read!

Warning!! Be careful if you eat at "RED LOBSTER RESTAURANTS."

A young woman was having a meal at the restaurant and suddenly began to experience intense chest pains. Nothing her friends or the restaurant personnel did would relieve the pain.

"911" was called and an ambulance was sent and the woman was transported to a nearby hospital where doctors removed the women's blouse.

As soon as this was done, emergency room personnel were able to properly diagnosis the cause of the pain:

OK, so it's a little weak, but it's a rare joke which involves women and seafood and not pussy!


Not as big a hit as the group's JUST AN ILLUSION, CHANGES is still some fine disco synth-pop. And though the audience in this clip is barely looking at their queeny lip-synch antics, these girls are letting you have it!


I was just watching CNN's coverage of Kenneth Cole "controversial" NYC CONDOM campaign, which is helping to distribute more free condoms at nightclubs in NYC, which face it, is probably one of the most infected cities in the US. (It's been estimated that 1/2 of NYC gay men have HIV. And AIDS is the #1 killer of 18-35 year old black women nationwide--this is probably higher in NYC. Actually, I guess you can't get much higher than #1.) But bless Kenneth for saying "New Yorkers who are having sex should use a condom and the right price of a condom is free." Amen to that!

I'll illustrate the importance of Kenneth's campaign with a page from my personal experiences. Just the other night, I was at a club and a young man walked in and began eyeing me from the bar. I performed my irresistible twiddling of the "nipples" (actually athletic socks in my bra) while pooching out my lips and sucking the drool in and out of my mouth at a rapid pace. This seductive move seldom fails, and within minutes, the two of us and his seeing eye dog were snuggling in the men's room. Since I was there for a photo shoot with other drags and I'm no tranny-lovin' kai-kai queen, I hadn't seen fit to bring prophlyactics along. Had this young man not had a couple on him, I wouldn't have gotten any "chocolate" for Valentine's Day. I know that blowing a stranger in a bathroom stall isn't most folks' idea of romantic Valentine's celebration, but as the S.O.S Band once said, "Take love where you find it." All this to say, if he hadn't had his own rubber, he might have infected me with AIDS. Again. Can you get it twice? I'm kidding! Or vice versa. For some reason, he claimed to be jamaican but spoke french when ejaculating. (Although one french friend claimed that the words he uttered while--"Mangez-le, cochon!"-- means "Eat it, pig!", I think they were kidding and it really means "I love you".) Obviously, he was a french-speaking haitian, as high a risk group as a NYC drag queen.

Since I had to take a masturbation break from writing this to re-visit our passionate toilet tryst, I'm a bit lost. But I guess I'm trying to say, more condoms in clubs is a great thing! And Kenneth, can we please get some larger ones for us size queens? And African-Americans?

Anyhoo, then the CNN anchor said "Not everyone is happy about the campaign" and cut to Cardinal Egan in a ridiculous robe and hat, who was denouncing the campaign and advocating abstinence. That old fart needs to keep his 13th century fashions and attitudes to himself. I realize that safe sex deosn't seem quite as crucial to catholic religious leaders, since most of their sexual encounters are with altar boys who aren't old enough to be sexually active, much less old enough to have contacted sexually-transmitted diseases. But it is proven that abstinence is an effective way to combat HIV infection. Too bad it goes against everyone's natural sexual desires and is therefore impossible to enforce. But again, we're back to the problem that catholic priests don't have natural sexual desires. They either bury them or molest children or do each other.

The last thing we need is some old fool speaking out against condom distribution. One thing that strikes me as very odd about this Anna Nicole paternity dispute is DIDN'T SHE USE CONDOMS? If my pussy was worth millions, I think I'd protect it a little better. I mean, this heifer's bod was so hot that they are still fighting over it a week after she died! I also think it's very weird that the whole country is shocked over her drug overdose death after watching two seasons of her reality show where she was clearly on such a powerful combo of prescription drugs that she could barely speak. Hell, if slurring your speech gets you a two-season TV show on E!, they should sign my drunk ass up for a lifetime contract!

But even if you're body is not as hot as Anna Nicole's, I watch these endless paternity tests on shows like Maury Povich, Judge Judy, etc with amazement. Do these girls not know that the same semen which carries sperm also carries the possibly fatal HIV virus? Unless these girls are not using condoms because they're hoping to get pregnant to extort child support as detailed in Kanye West's hit GOLD DIGGER, if you ae sleeping around and not using rubbers, you're an idiot! And if Kenneth Cole/government agencies are passing out free condoms and you still aren't using them, I have to ask you: DO YOU WANT AIDS? I know that accidents happen, but if you are routinely putting your life on the line because you "just didn't think about it", then you either have a death wish or you aren't smart enough to stay alive. We know that condoms stop HIV transmission. So use them! And any guy telling you that wearing a rubber doesn't feel as good as going raw, tell 'em what I tell 'em--it feels a helluva a lot better than laying in a damn coffin!



I can't believe that people are still discussing gays in the military. I've joked that I haven't heard as many gays clamoring to join since there is an actual war on, but I guess I was wrong. I was contacted by a blog which asked me to contribute an answer to the question "f You Were Asked, Would You Tell?" I'm not sure that they knew what Lady Bunny was, since I'd be about as likely as Mash's Klinger to be recruited, but since I took the time to write for someone else's blog in additon to my own, I thought I'd include my answer here in case anyone other than their website and Reichen Lemkuhl is still interested in this debate.


I think gays deserve to have every right that straights have. That said,
I can't understand why would anyone want to serve in the US military
now. The system is completely broken. How are you going to apply for a
job with a crazy boss who has your life in his hands? Our madman
president is sending our soldiers to their needless deaths as they
cause needless deaths of innocent Iraqi's. Why would anyone straight or
gay want to die in a war based on lies? To defend a country which cares
more about the will of Anna Nicole Smith than the loss of their lives?
Why would anyone want to be part of this? Do you want to die for
nothing? I understand that we need a militia for legitimate attacks
like the one on Afghanistan, and the desire to give your life to serve
your country is an unbelievably noble one. But currently, and at many
times in the past, our leaders are corrupt and sending soldiers on very
ignoble missions.

I find it insane that some gays have used the argument that since the
military has, in an effort to meet harder and harder to fill
recruitment quotas, dropped their standards to include criminals, the
mentally slow, and candidates who can't pass GED or drug tests, why
can't the military drop their standards low enough to include gays?
Hungh? If you want an answer, then yes, the military does obviously
consider gays to be lower than criminals, mentally-challenged people
and drug-users. And why would gays want to be part of this bunch of
desperate recruits anyway? Don't try to join a club which looks down on
you, especially if membership means possible maiming or death. Choose
your battles--the most important one to anyone with any sense is
getting Bush impeached. The damage he's doing to America's image
worldwide and the future generations of terrorists he's creating with
his actions in the Middle East will have the US recruiting gays,
lesbians, transgendered and fucking grandmothers if we don't declaw his
diabolical foreign policy at once.

February 16, 2007


How do you like it? How do you like it?

Bill's latest piece on Huffpo is a treat. Here's a tease from this entertaining must-read:

"New Rule: There's more to being smart than just not misspeaking. The world is a complicated place. Sometimes it all feels like a runaway train of violence, resentment and insecurity - sort of like a family reunion at Ryan O'Neil's place. Which is why for this next election, we need to pick the smartest candidate, not the dullest one who simply never had a verbal gaffe and said a wrong word or phrase."


February 15, 2007


I never knew she covered this classic! She is at her most stunning in the bath tub scenes--totally outrageous!


From www.popbitch.com, the weekly gossip newsletter which you should all subscribe to for tid-bits like this.

>> Flamboyant Frederick <<
We-Ho prince likes to be called "Daddy"

Among a cast of loonies, "Prince" Frederick
von Anhalt has somehow managed to make himself
the most bizarre story in the whole Anna
Nicole Smith tragedy. Husband of 90 year-
old Zsa Zsa Gabor, von Anhalt is said to have
bought his title, knocked more than fifteen
years off his real age (mid 70s), laid claim
to a German castle, hit a Beverly Hills
police officer and now says he's the father
of Smith's baby.

That would be something of a surprise. Von
Anhalt has already tried suing the makers
of Viagra for causing him to be unable to have
sex without it. Oh, and most days he can be
found standing outside Starbucks in West
Hollywood with his Rolls Royce Silver Shadow,
looking to attract the attention of the buff
boys coming out of the Boystown gyms.

(FYI: Von Anhalt said he thought of adopting Anna
Nicole, as did her late husband J Howard Marshall.
But he changed his mind as marriage was
advantageous tax-wise.)

Also from popbitch:

>> Celebrity parasites <<
Sober up and cash right in

Big stars going through rehab in LA have been
hiring sobriety coaches to help them through
difficult times for years. But with young
celebrities under even more scrutiny, whole
sobriety entourages are now being employed.
Coaches are recruiting groups of sober young
people, who can still look the part at Koi
or Hyde, to hang out with celebrities.

Young drunks such as Lindsay Lohan have so
many hangers-on whose boozy coke-fuelled
lifestyle depends on their celebrity patron
staying on the party circuit that managers and
movie executives are hiring whole new
entourages to babysit their post-rehab clients.

And sobriety can be useful as a career aid
in so many ways. It doesn't just help you
remember what film set you are supposed to
be on but an appearance at a celebrity AA haunt,
such as the Log Cabin, guarantees a star
paparazzi shots all over the media. Wannabes
can often be seen queuing outside Friday
AA gathering on Melrose for hours in the
hope of attracting a photographer's attention.


Grammy award-winning dj/producer Hex Hector will be replacing me at Splash's DISCO TEA until I'm back from Florida. He's well-known as a house/circuit dj/producer--his production credits include Deborah Cox's THINGS JUST AIN'T THE SAME , Angie Stone's I WISH I DIDN'T MISS YOU and J-Lo's WAITING FOR TONIGHT. But Hex knows his disco inside and out and unlike me, he can mix his ass off. I just hope he doesn't snatch my job after working the queens into a frenzy! Should be a phenomenal night!


I normally despise the Oscars and all the hype surrounding it. "But it's all about the gowns!", fags whine. So view them online the next day, for chrissakes! I usually have to turn the TV off leading up to the awards to avoid the endless "buzz". (Of course, I'm still deafened by the buzz of flies circling my nasty, unwashed ass--soap's getting so expensive these days!) And the brilliant SNAKES ON A PLANE was robbed without a single nod! Still this year, there are a few qualifications which may actually have me tuning in.

I SAW NOTES ON A SCANDAL YESTERDAY AND COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FANTASTIC IT WAS! I'd heard about the great reviews, but hadn't really read them and had no clue as to what the "scandal" actually was. (I won't give it away cuz I insist that you see it This is one of my favorite films of all time, right up there with THE KILLING OF SISTER GEORGE and HUSH, HUSH, SWEET CHARLOTTE. Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett are both magnificent! Actually, eveyone in the cast is. I typically only notice the script when it's off or the dialogue seems unrealistic, but when Cate's husband screams "I may not have been fucking fabulous, but I was there!", I got the shivers. (Possibly because those words could also describe my "career"?) And of course, Judi's catty narration of her diary entries is scrumptious.

And both women are so lovely. Even when the lighting is set to make Judi's Barbara look more demented and wrinkled than it is, there is something so captivating about that mug and the unusual plane that her eyes are set on. Laugh at fucked-up english teeth all you want, but Judi's overbite is completely adorable. Cate's never looked more alluring, and her stately, snouty beauty is the antidote to all of Hollywood's butchered bimbo's. But fuck their looks! These bitches can act--which the Oscars should be handing out awards for! If either of them wins in Best Actress or Supporting Actress, I think my nelly ass will cry to see such a triumphant performance recognized. That's how much they moved me in this masterpiece. Of course, Cate's competing against Jennifer Hudson who did a fine job in DREAMGIRLS, but I really don't think there's much of a comparison in terms of acting ability. Though I doubt if I'd enjoy Cate belting out AND I AM TELLING YOU as much as I enjoyed Jennifer. But Best Supporting Actresss is not the same as Best Supporting singer. And then there's the adorable brat from the geniusly twisted romp LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE in the same category!

Admit it--BORAT was also the illest thing to come around in years and I can only imagine that hilarious fool's acceptance speech. I'm sure it will top Roberto Begnini's antics in 1999. (On a side note, here is an insane interpretation of what Begnini said at his acceptance speech which I found quite amusing.)

MARIE ANTOINETTE'S gowns were stunning and awfully elaborate, but you know I'll be squealing if my old friend/Wigstock supporter/former employer/she-even-lent-me-her-apartment-in-Miami last year Patricia Field marches her flame-haired dyke ass up to that podium to accept her costumes in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA.

I wouldn't mind seeing Al Gore win SOMETHING for a change, either! And if he doesn't, demand a fucking recount!

And...Diana Ross might sing at the event--a song from DREAMGIRLS! Talk about coming full circle! How bizarre!

Doesn't it seem that sorry, big budget blockbusters were overlooked in favor of off-beat, quality films this year? Of course, I only saw NOTES yesterday, and I haven't even seen THE QUEEN--except for every day in the mirror--but it's delightful to see junk like APOCALYPTO relegated to Best Sound Mixing and make-up categories and UNITED 93 up for Best Film Editing. Maybe american movie-go-ers (or at least the Oscar panelists) are getting tired of big budget, low-talent and no-inspiration crap?


Chunky Pam has a new video for PAMPERED from her upcoming album PAM DA MONIUM. Pretty cute, and here's her myspace page for more info.



Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, ?Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. ?My salerery is open ! so we ca n discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. ?Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.


Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.



February 14, 2007


February 13, 2007


February 11, 2007 -- RUE McClanahan turns 73 this month, but age hasn't dimmed the steamy memories of her sexy life as a younger actress. The "Golden Girls" star reveals in her upcoming autobiography, "My First Five Husbands," how she would rate men by the FQ - Fun in Bed Quotient." One of the hottest, she says, was Brad Davis, who was just 23 - 16 years her junior - when he played her son in the off-Broadway show "Crystal and Fox" in 1973. "The young lad had a crush on me. Although I was flattered, I was not about to open that can of peas," she writes. But that changed after the show ended. Davis got a job as a landscaper, showed up at her house to cut the grass, and "kissed me. Right then and there, on the grassy hillside under the June sky, we both dropped our Levi's. A little while later, Brad was on his knees, zipping his pants up [and he gets an A, with a capital A], when we heard a cheerful voice across the yard. 'Hello, Miss McClanahan! Nice to see you' . . . My neighbor lady." Davis, who later starred in the flick "Midnight Express" but tragically died of AIDS in 1991, "was equipped with a very effective can opener," McClanahan gushes.



Gilbert and Sullivan style! Utterly riidculous! Thanks, Jan!

From youtube:

"The advent of time warp technology offered to Knights of the British Empire has allowed this uniquely satisfying look at Sirs Gilbert and Sullivan's re-envisioning of fellow Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back. O! What a joy it is for us to hear these three titans working in concert for the first time, and hopefully not the last."



LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Prince Frederic von Anhalt said Monday he plans to file a paternity challenge to gain custody of Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter, even if it costs him his marriage to Zsa Zsa Gabor.

"If the court rules in my favor, I will go to the Bahamas and pick up the child," he said, noting that he would ask for a DNA test.

Smith's companion Howard K. Stern and her former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, also have claimed paternity of 5-month-old Dannielynn. The baby stands to potentially inherit a fortune from Smith's late husband, oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II.

Von Anhalt, 59, and Gabor, 90, have been married for more than 20 years. The news of her husband's alleged affair has deeply upset Gabor, according to von Anhalt.

"She says, of course, 'If you bring a baby home then it's over,' " he said. "If my wife wants to divorce me then it's up to her."


HOLLYWOOD - Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt insists he knows who the biological father of tragic Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter is, but has backed down from claims it could be him.

The Hungarian royal added a bizarre new twist to the paternity battle over baby Dannielynn yesterday when he stated he could be the child's father.

Speaking on CNN talk show Larry King Live last night, the prince revealed he only came forward with his claims because Smith told him who her baby's biological father is, and it isn't her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead or partner/lawyer Howard K. Stern, who are fighting for paternity rights.

But Von Anhalt, who claims he enjoyed a romance with Smith after the death of her late husband J. Howard Marshall in 1995, was cryptic when asked if the mystery father he refers to is himself.

He told King, "I know who the real father is... The real father made a deal with her not to go in the open with it. He did not want the world to know that he is the father."

And when the talk-show host asked Von Anhalt if it was him, he added, "I don't say yes, I don't say no."

The prince went on to reiterate his plan to file for custody of Smith's baby if a Los Angeles judge gives Birkhead or Stern custody on Feb. 20--the date of a court-ordered DNA test.

He stated, "If the court rules in the right direction--not left to Larry, not right to Howard... I stay out of it. If the court rules either to Howard or Larry I jump in."

Birkhead's lawyer Debra Opri has dismissed Von Anhalt's suggestions that her client is not Dannielynn's biological father, stating, "I'm not going to waste a second of my limited time... addressing what that man said. It's stupid.

"I believe with all my heart that Larry Birkhead is the father of this child."



A "plumb" role for the squeaky clean child star! I always heard that she went on to do soft-porn and for that reason was replaced in the Brady reunion specials. Could this tame footage be the reason?

From youtube:

"From one of the all time best TV movies, a music video starring the incomporable Eve Plumb (Jan Brady of 'The Brady Bunch' fame) about all of the trappings of being a teen-aged hooker. From the movie 'Dawn: Portrait Of A Teenage Runaway' set to a remix of Petula Clark's 'Downtown."



A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today"


Simon Doonan's always hilarious column in this week's NY Observer, entitled HELLO KATE MOOSE! Here's a teaser:

New York Fashion Week is totally phat. Sorry, make that fat. As in: fat-obsessed.

The current international are-models-too-thin? brouhaha has turned the week into the world’s largest discussion forum for weight loss and related issues, a veritable fat summit. It’s fabulous! Finally, we fashion folk have an issue, something really meaty upon which to chew while waiting for those 221 shows to begin.

I arrived at the Bryant Park tents on Friday to find summit attendees reeling from Victoria Beckham’s announcement that she was eschewing size-zero gals and had chosen Daniella Sarahyba, a 35-26-36 Brazilian, to represent the image of her upcoming collection. Was this a visionary flesh-positive gesture, or one of calculated cunning? The always-charitable British tabs have wasted no time in accusing Mrs. Beckham—they have referred to her as “Skeletal Spice” for years—of opting for larger gals in order to make herself look thin when she trots out to take her catwalk bows.




Don't ask--just watch this hot mess!

February 02, 2007




Last year when a journalist from Indian-administered Kashmir asked me what the "story" was behind Begum Nawazish Ali, I was more than just surprised. The Begum (the term means "Lady" in Urdu) in question is the host of Pakistan's most popular TV talk show – "Late Night Show with Begum Nawazish Ali."

I didn’t think Aaj, the fledgling television channel which broadcasts the show, was even seen outside the country. I asked him how he knew the name of Pakistan’s rising star and he said "Oh, we all watch her program off satellite!"

"Late Night Show with Begum Nawazish Ali" host Ali Saleem in drag. Click here to watch VIDEO of Begum Nawazish preparing for the show.

The talk show host making waves in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan (and apparently Kashmir) is purportedly a stylish, middle-aged, socialite widow of an army colonel. Her monologues are often laced with sexual innuendo, she flirts openly with her guests, and sometimes embarrasses them with probing questions about their private lives. Her guests include some of Pakistan's most well-known personalities: the urban elite, film and television stars and even some top politicians. Most are nevertheless thrilled to be invited to appear on a program millions are watching.

Viewers are obviously fascinated too. Dinner party conversations here in Karachi are often peppered with anecdotes about her risqué banter and sly digs at Pakistani politics. Women call the television station to inquire about the tailoring of her sequined blouses and where to buy her glamorous saris.

The thing is, Begum Nawazish Ali is actually a man.


February 01, 2007


I'm so suspicious these days that I always try to look behind the stories, especially when celebrities with products to promote are involved. Of course the whole Miss USA/cocaine/Trump vs Rosie thing was manufactured to publicize Trump's ailing pageant, his TV show's new season and The View. So someone took unflattering pix of Tyra in a bathing suit with thunder thighs. In retaliation, the talk-show host appears in the same swimsuit on her show to prove that she's not ashamed of gaining weight now that she's retired from modelling. And she gets a People cover. Cue all the positive body image stuff which women probaby do need to be reminded of to counteract the message constantly sent by insanely thin runway models and celebs like Nicole Ritchie who're known for nothing except their anorexia. Sheesh! All the girl's got going for her is her weight--and she's losing it!


Kudos to Tyra for saying there's no shame in putting on a few pounds and not being so weight-obsessed. I also give her points for dressing in that fat suit to show the hatred the obese experience. A plus-sized drag queen like me is certainly not going to cast a stone at someone for being overweight OR for wearing wigs. My problem with this is that Tyra must be behind this mock scandal. In addition to packing on the pounds, she's also known for wearing lace front wigs. And very well-done lace front wigs they are, too. But I wear wigs for a living, and honey trust me, NO ONE glues on a lace front wig with sticky, smelly spirit gum and hits a warm beach to engage in any kind of physical activity whatsoever, unless it's for a planned photo shoot. If she does, I would say that her satisfaction with her curvier shape is healthy--now work on why you refuse to appear without straight, blonde hair which does not sprout from the head of women of your race. God, I sound as preachy as Lauryn Hill in (DOO WOP) THAT THING now! I love lace front wigs and RuPaul looks incredible in a long blonde locks, and if it suits your image of who you wanna be, then crazy glue hot dogs to each fingernail and wear blackface for all I care! I'm just saying that if Tyra is able to send the valuable message to women that it's ok to be shaped like a curvacious, hippy real woman and not a boyish runway twig, then it seems like she should be able to deal with the fact that she has nappy, black hair and a forehead big enough to land a plane on. But she's definitely had her nose chopped off, too. So I wonder if she feels, perhaps correctly, that she won't have mass appeal if she's "too black". Or maybe she's just a pinhead who needs a big head of artificial hair to feel like a babe. With my large head, I'm the opposite, but I certainly understand the idea of wanting a big head of hair to feel like a babe. Or should that read "like Babe, the animated cartoon pig?" OINK! I don't watch her shows, but I think she should realize by now that her engaging (if shallow), drag queen-y personality is what's driving her talk show's popularity--not just her looks.

On one hand, I of all people understand the need for artifice. Boy, do I ever! I'm not going to stand up as a proud coffee drinker and refuse to bleach my stained teeth. Or hide the fact that I do. But everyone is so cookie cutter and sterile now--even the primped, plucked and shaved and anally worked out gay porn stars--I can't even imagine their cocks even having a smell! (Well, apart from their partner's shit and if they're any good, blood.) I despise that Ryan Seacrest because though nice-looking, he's the epitome of this sterilization factor. Since when did zero personality/originality equal desirable? You rarely see a female infotainment show presenter--or hell, even newscaster these days--who doesn't have a nose job, bleached blonde hair and super-white teeth. Maybe that's ok for superficial TV presenters whose appeal is based on their looks and only have to be as talented as a Vanna White. But I know an actress whose mom is a legendary TV star and whose dad is a powerful Hollywood producer. After unsuccessfully auditioning with no luck for ages, she asked daddy to make a few inquiries as to why she wasn't making the grade. He made a few calls and it was determined that her boobs weren't big enough to make the cup--I mean cut. It's awful to think that you shouldn't even attempt an acting or singing career unless you fit the mold, regardless of your talent. Had that always been the case, we wouldn't be enjoying the music of big gal ReRe Franklin or the acting of the odd-looking Meryl Streep. I understand that heavily-scrutinized stars require professional tweaking to look their best for as long as they can. But with girls who aren't even in show biz getting nose and boob jobs as high school graduation presents, isn't this all a bit much? Am I way off base or does this seem a little extreme to anyone else?

PS: A portion of the proceeds of every sale of a LADY BUNNY: RATED X FOR XTRA-RETARDED dvd goes towards my own nose job fund. I'm trying to save enough to get it whittled down to a Barbara Eden or Zsa Zsa Gabor. So far I'm at about a Jimmy Durante. So please help! I mean, right after you've donated to moveon.org and advertised on AIR AMERICA, that is.

UPDATE: I STAND CORRECTED! As a commenter pointed out, Tyra WAS posing for a shoot on the beach and that's why she had her wig on. I do not watch her show, but from all the reports on I watched or read, it seemed that the photographer had caught her off guard while off duty. That doesn't negate all the elements of my "Tyrade", but I am plainly wrong on that one point and so this probably was not a manufactured scandal which Tyra was behind with her big behind. I welcome disagreements and corrections!


No, not with Clay Aiken! Cassius Clay, who recites a poem while Libby tinkles the ivories in the background! Truly mad!