July 03, 2006

HOLE-Y CHRIST

Finally! A website which has provided me with the spiritual guidance I needed to reconcile my addiction to getting fist-fucked nightly with Jesus. I mean reconciled with Jesus's teachings, you perverts! And why not? My "deep-seated" love of the Lord tells me that God made our hands, asses and cunts in his image. Why shouldn't all three, in his Grande Designe, accomodate each other with ease? Think it's a stretch? Where's your Faith, horny christians? Understand that you're in the Lord's hands while someone else's hand's in you. But maybe keep a little Anal-Eze on hand, just in case The Lord's busy answering someone else's cries of pain at the exact second you're about to pass out. Now there are many other sexual/biblical treatises on www.sexinchrist.com, too, so grab your bibles, lube up generously, and "poke" around to your farts' content!



FROM SEX IN CHRIST:

The sex act called fisting is a source of confusion and misconceptions for many Christians.

BUNNY NOTE: AND FOR SOME OF US "LAY" PEOPLE, AS WELL!

This is unfortunate, because it means that many Christian men and women are depriving themselves of what could be the most spiritual sexual experience of their lives. Like anal sex and BDSM, fisting is often mistakenly associated with the gay community or is considered a sex act too extreme to be appropriate for Christian couples. Not only are these views incorrect, but fisting actually has a scriptural precedent, as we will show.

THE FIST OF MIGHT

Over and over in the scriptures, the hand and fist of God are described as a symbol of His awesome power and the means through which this power manifists: "O God, God of our ancestors, are you not God in heaven above and ruler of all kingdoms below? You hold all power and might in your fist.” (2 Chronicles 20:6) Of course, the Old Testament often makes reference to God smiting his enemies with his fist or striking down the wicked with his hand, but it is also the means through which he administers his blessings and benevolence to the righteous: ”You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.” (Psalms 145:16) Through the hand of the Lord, he guides us to do his will, touches our lives, expresses His love, and provides for our needs with His abundance.

BUNNY NOTE: AND DON'T FORGET LEVITICUS 17:6: And with thine delicate hand and salve of myrhh, The Lord cleareth away those pesky impacted gerbil skeletons, too-eth!

The biblical significance of the hand is important, because in the act of fisting, one partner (usually male) inserts his entire hand and fist into the vagina or rectum of his partner.

BUNNY NOTE: OR IN THE CASE OF MY DEEPLY RELIGIOUS HERMAPHRODITE UNCLE, BOTH THE RECTUM AND VAGINA GET SMITETH SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Rather than copulating with his penis, he penetrates her with his fist. Given the powerful symbolism of the fist, it is no surprise that couples who have partaken in the practice of fisting have described it as being a profoundly spiritual experience.

BUNNY NOTE: THIS HEIGHTENED SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO DOETH WITH A COMBINATION OF POPPERS, CRYSTAL AND GHB.

On a symbolic and sexual level, a wife who is fisted by her husband has the experience of surrendering completely to the divine love and power of the Lord, as embodied by her partner’s hand. The husband in turn has the experience of touching and caressing her inwardly, in such a deep and intimate manner as God touches our own souls with His grace.

BUNNY NOTE: AND AFTERWARD, THE COUPLE MIGHT PRAISE HIM IN COMMUNION, AS THE BLOOD AND THE FECES REPLACETH THE WINE AND THE BREAD. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO WORSHIP THE LORD! HALLELUJAH!

READETH YE ON: SEXINCHRIST

17 Comments:

Blogger c slaw said...

Too sick, even for me.

But Bunster, let's not forget our Buddist friends. I've heard they have a practice called "Pee-peeing for Buddha." Some sort of Golden Nirvana meditation.

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2:55 AM  
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2:33 AM  
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9:28 PM  

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